Confessions of a Serial Dater

I like to consider myself a professional dater.  Not by choice of course, but it just so happens to be the path that my life has taken.  I am almost 28 years old, a mother, and I work full time outside the home.

It is incredibly hard to meet people nowadays.  I could meet someone at work but I’ve been down that road before and the old saying “don’t shit where you eat,”  is so true.  It never ends pretty and makes for an uncomfortable and awkward work life.  You could meet someone at a bar.  Sure, lots of people have probably met their significant other at a bar, however I’m very skeptical of it.  First off, I’m not there to meet anyone so I tend to be uninterested when a member of the opposite sex approaches me.   i can’t ever help but think if a guy is talking to me at a bar….he’s mainly thinking of one thing.  My va-jay-jay.  And i wonder how many other girls has he been hitting on just tonight alone.  I don’t meet people at the supermarket or at stores in general.  It just doesn’t happen.  If i meet someone it never goes beyond a casual small talk greeting.  And lets not forget the computer (i have dated a couple nice guys from the computer).  I have always been skeeved out by meeting someone on the computer.  But then again, why?  Because you don’t really know what they are like?  They could be mass murderers or rapists.  But so could that guy four cubicles down from you in the office.  Or the guy sitting next to you at the bar who seems so incredibly sweet and sensitive.

My point is you really don’t know anyone until you spend time with them.   So you have to date smart and cautiously….like don’t invite them over your house…no matter how horny you are.

Oh the worst one of all is, everyone wants to set you up with someone who  is “perfect for you” all the time.  It always sounds like such a great idea,  “We were introduced by a mutual friend.”  But for whatever reasons, they don’t seem to work out either.

What i hate the most about dating is not how you meet people but the whole awkward beginning stage.  Now in case you haven’t been in the dating scene for a while, allow me to bring it back to you.  Or at least introduce you to mine.  You don’t know this person well…so you date to learn.  And at what point into the relationship do you start to discuss the “exclusiveness” of your relationship.  I certainly don’t want to bring it up only to have the guy say, “I just kinda like to see where things go, take it slow.”  Well I’m sorry but i thought that after a month of dating and you saying that you’re not seeing anyone else would warrant the next step.  Apparently that’s not always the case.  When is it ok to start introducing them to your friends?  Some guys can be all weird about stuff like that.

Oh and lets talk about the SEX!!  Unless your drunk and all your inhibitions are totally disguised by the alcohol intoxicating your body…lets face it, it sucks.  The first couple times your both trying to “feel” each other out.  You don’t want to seem to wild and crazy and scare him off.  But you don’t want to seem like your just laying there like a boring prude either.  And of course you are  so completely self-conscious you’re not even concentrating on the act itself but rather how you look and feel.

So here is my problem when I date.  Because I have been single for so many years, i have dated quite a few men.  But I tend to be the stupid nice person and give everyone a chance, because well, you never know they could end up the perfect person for you.  I jump into relationships feet first and fast.  So usually by two or three  months into it, i realize i don’t like this guy and I’m completely sick of him.  That poor guy, who most of the time is a very nice guy, gets his heart crushed and kicked to the curb.  And no I’m not proud, i do feel bad.  I realize though now, that when i date if our relationship goes full steam ahead right off the bat, I haven’t really taken the time to get to know them and figure out if they are the right match for me. But on the upside at least I’m not staying with someone that i don’t really have feelings for.

These are my confessions.  This is why at 28 years old, I am still single, have never been married, and have never been proposed to.   Man, am i really hoping all this will change before I’m 30!